Taken For Granted

angry_cat_by_vege86

source

The feeling of being taken for granted is never a good feeling. In fact, it is an insult. People assume that you are okay with everything, that they won’t bother asking. It happens to me a lot of times. No matter how close you are to someone, you need to ASK their opinions especially when it concerns them, their money and their life. You can’t just easily be their spoke person and say things on their behalf, when they don’t know anything about it. It’s wrong. IT’S WRONG!

Is it so hard to pick up your phones and ask the person about that particular matter? See whether or not they’re on board with your plans. Jeez!

Due to this, I have to reschedule my weekend. There goes my rest!

Not A Good Day

img_242512-23-11

source

I am at school right now. I know it’s not the right time to blog right now (all my classes are done actually and I have finished writing lesson plans until Tuesday), but I need to pour this out. Just for the sake of it. I was just not my usual self today. I tried browsing some online shopping websites for some kind of therapy, but that just added more stress because of the things that I can’t buy. Hmm.. I did not have a good start today. I was late to school after promising myself that I would never be late again. Due to that, I failed to secure myself a seat at the assembly (again) so I had to stand up for like an hour. In heels. I’m used to walking in heels, even running in heels, or climbing up and down the four-storey building in heels. I feel nothing. But standing still in heels for an hour, I suddenly felt the pain. There, not a good start. Tired and painful.

…edited

I’m at home now. School hour’s over.

Usually when that happens, there comes my downward emotional spiral. Like a roller coaster. I started to feel annoyed by just looking at the innocent faces around me. Looking at them, suddenly there were inner thoughts coming to mind, like

‘Arghh… Don’t talk to me.’,
‘Why do you talk with your mouth like that?’
‘This one has nerve staring at me!’
‘That’s why your students won’t shut up in class, it’s because you won’t too!’
‘Argh… You again!’
‘You wear sandals like that to school? Seriously??’

‘Oh my God, I hate your baju.’

 

and etc etc etc..

I know.

Such a bitch, I was.

After the assembly, I went to the staffroom before going into class. Then, I noticed that I didn’t have my pencil case with me. Maybe it doesn’t seem much to you people, but my pencil case is my nyawa. I started to lose it already. I texted my hubs and blamed him for not putting my pencil case in my work bag. He’s been dealing with ‘this’ right here for more than 4 years so I guess he’s used to it. Thank God I have a few black and red pens on my table (but they’re not my favourite), so I just grabbed those and went to class.

The blame game with hubs.

The blame game with hubs.

The magic started here. Every time I feel disconnected with the people around me, I always feel calm and more relaxed every time I’m in class dealing with my students. I would avoid staffroom and canteen because I just couldn’t handle adults. Plus, I hated to pretend everything was okay when it wasn’t, so it was much easier to just avoid people. Today, I spent the whole school hours in classes, even during my free time. 8.00-9.30 (class – 5 Usaha), 9.30-10.30 (free time & recess – lepak at 5 Yakin, they were in Music room), 10.30-11.30 (class – 6 Rajin), 11.30-12.30 (class – 5 Yakin), 12.30-1.30 (free time – lepak at 3 Yakin, I dunno where they were at, the class was empty).

Did I or did I not just list my whereabouts at school?

I guess, I’m feeling a lot better now. Of course, I feel a lot better, I am at home. Everything is a lot better at home.

This sure helped a lot.

This sure helped a lot.

Guess I’m signing out.

Need to catch some Zs.

 

Sad Little Person

field_and_bench_landscape-wide

source

What’s the use of having people around you but you seem like invisible to them?

What’s the use of being in the same place but you do your own things and don’t talk to each other?
You don’t even see each other.

What’s the use of discussing things, then saying sorry when you keep repeating the same mistakes?

What’s the use of being together when every act of yours will hurt the other?

What’s the use?

Sometimes, I feel like I’ve had enough of this life. I just wanna leave everything and everyone behind me, go somewhere alone and have a good reflect on what I have achieved so far. Which is not much. I don’t know if you have ever felt sad and disappointed with your life but right now, that’s what I feel. I feel useless. I feel shit. I feel like my life has been laid out in front of me and I should just live by it. Play it safe.

There are times when I consider of quitting what I’m doing and just see where it takes me, but I ain’t that bold, especially when I have so much on my plate right now, especially when I have people who hold me back from making that decision.
I’m only young once, and right now I’m already a year away to my thirties. Will I live like this until I’m old?

Being a grown up sucks. If I could hop into a time machine now, I would like to travel back to my childhood years. I don’t even wanna be a teenager, I wanna be a kid. I wanna be with my mak and my ayah.
Haih… Ayah… Tetiber rindu sangat kat ayah.
T__T

Life’s so complicated right now.

I feel like screaming my lungs out. I feel like crying my eyes out.

Sorry for his rubbish post. I’m just a sad little person right now, who needs to pour out these words, otherwise I’m going crazy.

The Helpless Cats

IMG_6401

I love cats. I do.

Today, WWoW (the wicked witch of the west) has decided to get rid of all the helpless cats at school. I really felt for those poor cats though I actually understand her actions. It was due to the hygiene and the school cleanliness. You know, cats’ poo and vomits around the school. Kids might have stepped on it and carried the smell everywhere. Therefore, I understand if getting rid of the cats is the only solution she could think of. I don’t agree, but I understand.

What I don’t understand and couldn’t ever accept is why did she need to raise her voice and condemned some of us for feeding the cats? As if it was the worst thing to do as a human being. Those cat feeders are responsible for their actions, you know. They bring own containers, keep a broom in their cars so they can sweep away the kibbles leftover. If she really thinks that they are forbidden from feeding the cats at school, couldn’t she just say it nicely? Didn’t have to use the words like ‘Gune otak’, ‘Kalau cikgu baik sgt’ etc. That was so provoking. The end of the meeting, she said it again with a sarcastic tone, ‘Haaa ambik la cikgu kucing tu bawak balik. Free ajee..’

Thank God I could hold myself from showing her my middle finger.

I shook my head, grabbed my bag, waiting for her to look at my way and gave her a death stare instead when she did.

Erghh.. I hate being in this place! Back in the car, I told hubs,
‘If she is standing in front of our car right now, I would just knock her down without a second thought.’

Yeah, maybe I was just saying it and didn’t mean it literally (if killing isn’t sinful, I’d probably just do it), but you get a rough idea now how much I hate her.

My Angry Day!

image_531103111719232198851

source

Yesterday, kerani datang kat meja aku suruh isi menatang hrmisone ni. Aku pernah la dgr hrmis tapi x pernah berurusan ke isi ape2 bnde pakai sistem ni. Siapkan terangkan kat aku camana nk google hrmis. Hahaha okay layan je la.

So tadi aku pun isi la. Aku tau for a fact website2 kerajaan ni mmg hampeh, lembap selembap siput sedut semuanya tapi ada jugak yang bila aku guna, okay je. Contoh mcm SAPS. Okay je takde lembap pun. So, aku ingt hrmis ni pun xder la lembap mane. Bukak pakai Safari, tak boleh. Kena pakai IE7 yang ko hapgrade sampi IE700 pun tetap la tahap zaman batu jugak. Pelik btul kan? Dah ade Google Chrome, Firefox semua tu, ko nk jugak pakai IE yang dah sedia 2×5 jugak lembapnye ngn hrmis tu.

Aku x install IE7 (duhhhh), so aku naik computer lab nak isi. Tgh2 isi, nk mula dah rase aura lembap siput sedut tu. Hati dah panas dah ni sbb aku memang pantang betul bnde2 slow tahap siput sedut ni. Pastu2 everytime aku isi2 maklumat semua, slow gile laaaa dier nak respond. Sebenarnye, kalau dh darurat sgt, ko slow pun ko slow la. Tapi jangan laaa sampai aku dh isi banyak2, ko tetiber frozen, non-responding tak habis2. Lepas tu tetiber hilang and kena buat balik yang baru. Stressssss tau x? Eeeeeeeiii, mula la aku mencarut sikit demi sikit. Ingt aku ni takde keje lain asek nak dok mengadap hrmis bangang ni je ke? Seriously, wtf la wei yang buat sistem bodoh ni! Menyusahkan org x habis2!

Aku ade bace kat satu blog ni, dier cakap ‘Nak semuanya di hujung jari, tapi nk isi hrmis ni rasenye mcm dah di hujung nyawa,’ Hah. Betul sangat la tu! Aku memang setuju sangat. Kepala aku ni dh pening2 dh ni. Banyak keje aku tergendala sbb menatang hrmis ni.

Kepada sesape yang bertanggungjawab, tolong laaaaaa wei. Ko xbleh nk menyenangkan org, ko xyah la nk menyusahkan pulak. Nk bnde online mcm2, tpi server mcm mangkuk ayun. Ko kerjekan dulu server tu kasi laju sket, stable sket, pastu ko nk buat ape2 bnde online takde org bising la.

Okay habis membebel. Bye.