First, it’s about my Friendster blog. Ladies and gentlemen, it was deleted!!!!!!!!!! Erghh!!! I’m not sure when they did this, maybe it’s been a while, but I just realized it now! There goes everything! My writing about the butterflies in my stomach before flying to Brisbane, my experience seeing Brisbane for the first time, my experience cooking for myself for the first time, my experience playing with snow for the first time, my experience being disturbed by two drunken shitmen while watching football at the cafe for the first time, my experience SEEING AND ACTUALLY MEETING JARED PADALECKI FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!! Damn it you!! At least, gimme some warning!! Now, all gone! I’m sooo frustrated! I really like those writings of mine, even though some of them were stupid, not making any sense to some people, but it was for my own memory sake.. 😦
Gosh, some little parts of my life are now missing. I can’t imagine if Blind Kitten is suddenly deleted because WordPress is shutting down, without giving me any notification. It’s very unlikely to happen actually, but who knows?
Second, it’s about him. Sometimes I hate him for keep saying sorry. He makes mistakes, he says sorry. I make mistakes, he’s still the one who says sorry. Even though it is actually my fault. Why am I so mad when he says sorry? Because he doesn’t fight me back! His patience makes me angry. I feel like he purposely does that to make me feel guilty even though I am WELL-AWARE that it’s not his intention. I once told him about that, but he said he couldn’t do it. He said, he rather took all the blames, rather than putting those on me. He said, he didn’t want us to make a big deal out of small ridiculous things. Wise!
But, between the two of us, I’m obviously the drama queen. The childish drama queen. That’s why when I am mad, I need to yell, I need some tears, I need the heat, the anger to argue, to fight. I can’t do it with someone sooo nice! It’s like bertepuk sebelah tangan. It just doesn’t work! Fire needs oil for it to spread wider, not water to put it off.
When I can’t fight with him, I become angrier at myself (for two reasons, 1. Why can’t I make him angry? 2. Why can’t I be patient like him and stop picking a fight once in a while?), that puts me in a bad mood, bad state.
Susah la suami isteri duduk jauh2 ni. Asik rase nk gaduh je..
*take a deep breath*
Clearly, that’s why we are destined for each other. Simply because I’m the fire, and he’s the water. For an obvious reason, we do need each other.
And I do need him right now, right here. I wanna punch him in the shoulders (the best spot), to let out the anger, coz he sleeps earlier than me tonight!! I can’t sleep, I’m alone and I have no one to talk to (that’s why I’m blogging)!!
I bet tomorrow when he wakes up and read my ‘beautiful’ good night wishes, he’s gonna say sorry again.