Brothers And Sisters’ Moments

I’ve been watching Brothers and Sisters for the whole weekend. I am not sure what attracted me to watch this series in the first place, but I think it started when I was in Aussie, and up until now I really really like it. But it is sad that I only get to watch until season 3, even though it’s now already season 5. 😦

My favourite character would be Kevin Walker, the cute+witty gay brother.

This is one of the scenes in the series, the last episode of Season 1, #23, Matriarchy, Kevin Walker and Senator Robert’s brother, Jason Mccalister. Even though I prefer Kevin and Scotty Wandell who he finally ends up with, but I kinda dig this scene too. It’s one of my favourites.

Kevin Walker, Jason Mccalister

Ahhhhhhhh.. Can you feel the heat?? Haha.

I was thinking of inserting the kissing scene as well, but then… Hm.. Not everybody is a fan of gay kissing, so I’m just gonna leave it at that. Haha

Maybe next time I’ll post my other favourite scenes from this series.

A Little Bit Of Here And There

Yeah, blogging again!

Lately, I keep blogging. Why? Coz I love my new layout so I’m in high spirit updating my blog. So, if any of you are getting tired of it, you can always surf away. It’s that simple. 🙂

Okay. It’s now the twentieth day of Ramadhan for us, Moslems. How is everyone doing? I’ve already had my MC for almost a week, sooo I guess I am doing good. Haha. It’s now getting nearer to raya. This is going to be my first raya as a wife. I’m kind of excited and already finished doing major shopping (like shoes, handbags, dresses, baju melayu, scarves etc) for both of us. Our raya theme is purple+pink. I actually wanted some turqoise but I couldn’t say no to the purple baju kurung moden that I saw in Tangkak with Mr.Gonzales. But we’re planning to peek at some last-minute shopping too. Maybe I could catch a few more…? And this time turqoise?? Let’s see. Owh, almost forgot! I haven’t bought any raya brooch yet! Okay, put that in the list.

Some of this actually not for raya, for example that scarf. It's for casual outings. Bought it coz.... I love it?

While blogging, I’m also downloading Daughtry’s songs. I’m planning to burn those awesome songs into a CD and put it in my car. So whenever Hitz.fm is playing suckie songs, I can always play this. Erm, not just Daughtry actually, I’m also downloading Lifehouse’s. I love this kinda bands you know, Daughtry, Lifehouse, Nickelback, Rascal Flatts, I used to like 3 Doors Down too (please note, I didn’t mention Westlife coz that was the band I used to like in my TEENAGE years). But my favourite would be Daughtry, Chris Daughtry. I believe he has the manliest voice ever on Earth!

How I wish I can play guitar.. No, I’m too lazy to learn. I want it to magically happens. Boleh? #LikeABoss

Hmm.. What else to ramble here? Owh, here’s this funy+sweet story about my Year 5 students. I was mad, like really mad at them on last two Friday. I was so mad that I walked out of the class just like that even though it wasn’t really time yet. Then, when I was in the staffroom, this Year 3 boy came to me and gave me something. It was a letter. He said, ‘Cher, ni budak2 darjah 5 bagi.’ It surprised me a little bit, so I asked, ‘Budak darjah 5 tu sape?’ and he said ‘Tah, budak2 lelaki’. I said thanks to the boy, and read the letter. Yes, it was an apology letter. Too bad I already threw it out otherwise I can put the picture here. I was not convinced by their apology. On the next Monday, I was still mad, so I didn’t enter the class. I just gave them work to finish. I did the same thing on Tuesday. Wednesday was on off day due to Nuzul Quran, so on Thursday, I decided to enter the class. Enough la merajuk with kids. Hmm… I didn’t mention anything about the Friday incident, I straight away went on with my Literature lesson. Well… I guess they behaved better this time. When I walked out of the class, these two girls came to me, and handed me something. It was presents. I asked them,’What for?’ One of them said, ‘Kitorang tak tau birthday teacher bile, so kitorg bagi je la..’ I laughed and said, ‘My birthday bulan April. Dah lame lepas..’ ‘Takpe la teacher.. Ambik je..’ I was touched. I think I knew why they gave me the ‘birthday presents’. I smiled and thanked the sweet girls. As I opened the box, owh I love it!!! This handphone string that has my name on it, and this very cute little house, full of red and green flower petals in it. I thought they were very cute. And, they were RED, my favourite colour! I told Mr.Gonzales about it, and he was soo jealous that I have such sweet students. Hehe

Look at that handphone string. Lovely!

The little house. I put this on my car's dashboard. 🙂

Okay, speaking about Mr.Gonzales, I have something to clarify here. In the last entry, when I said I was really mad about him coz he was being too nice, some have misunderstood what I was trying to say. Some have claimed that I’m not being grateful for what I have? Maybe because of my poor writing that the message was not well delivered. But if you read carefully, it was actually a compliment I wrote for him. What I meant was, he is the only one who can put up with me at my worst. He is the only one who could be that patient with me. And it actually works well for our relationship. If you asked me, do I want someone who’s as stubborn as me, as bad-tempered as me, as mean as me, HELL NO! I am sure our house will be torn apart. What I am saying is, yes, he’s so patient, always gives in, always takes whatever bullets I shoot at him and hardly shoot them back at me, that at some points I find it boring and no challenges at all, but thank you God, it works that way, because if it didn’t we wouldn’t get to this point. We wouldn’t get married to each other. He teaches me to be a better person in his own way, even though so.far.it.doesn’t.really.succeed.coz.i’m.still.bad.tempered.as.ever but my point is, unlike any other men, he is able to handle me. I feel like he’s the only man who can do that. I appreciate him. I’m grateful that I have him in my life. I won’t trade him for anything in this world, even if Michael Owen or Jensen Ackles get in the way. Okay. Full stop.

The luckiest or not-so-luckiest man in the world<- My beloved husband. 🙂

Okay, I’ve rambled quite a lot already. I think that’s all for this time. Pray I won’t be blogging again for the next 24 hours.

Bye.

Fire VS Water

MAD!!

First, it’s about my Friendster blog. Ladies and gentlemen, it was deleted!!!!!!!!!! Erghh!!! I’m not sure when they did this, maybe it’s been a while, but I just realized it now! There goes everything! My writing about the butterflies in my stomach before flying to Brisbane, my experience seeing Brisbane for the first time, my experience cooking for myself for the first time, my experience playing with snow for the first time, my experience being disturbed by two drunken shitmen while watching football at the cafe for the first time, my experience SEEING AND ACTUALLY MEETING JARED PADALECKI FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!! Damn it you!! At least, gimme some warning!! Now, all gone! I’m sooo frustrated! I really like those writings of mine, even though some of them were stupid, not making any sense to some people, but it was for my own memory sake.. 😦

Gosh, some little parts of my life are now missing. I can’t imagine if Blind Kitten is suddenly deleted because WordPress is shutting down, without giving me any notification. It’s very unlikely to happen actually, but who knows?

NOOOOO!

Second, it’s about him. Sometimes I hate him for keep saying sorry. He makes mistakes, he says sorry. I make mistakes, he’s still the one who says sorry. Even though it is actually my fault. Why am I so mad when he says sorry? Because he doesn’t fight me back! His patience makes me angry. I feel like he purposely does that to make me feel guilty even though I am WELL-AWARE that it’s not his intention. I once told him about that, but he said he couldn’t do it. He said, he rather took all the blames, rather than putting those on me. He said, he didn’t want us to make a big deal out of small ridiculous things. Wise!

But, between the two of us, I’m obviously the drama queen. The childish drama queen. That’s why when I am mad, I need to yell, I need some tears, I need the heat, the anger to argue, to fight. I can’t do it with someone sooo nice! It’s like bertepuk sebelah tangan. It just doesn’t work! Fire needs oil for it to spread wider, not water to put it off.

When I can’t fight with him, I become angrier at myself (for two reasons, 1. Why can’t I make him angry? 2. Why can’t I be patient like him and stop picking a fight once in a while?), that puts me in a bad mood, bad state.

Susah la suami isteri duduk jauh2 ni. Asik rase nk gaduh je..

*take a deep breath*

Clearly, that’s why we are destined for each other. Simply because I’m the fire, and he’s the water. For an obvious reason, we do need each other.

And I do need him right now, right here. I wanna punch him in the shoulders (the best spot), to let out the anger, coz he sleeps earlier than me tonight!! I can’t sleep, I’m alone and I have no one to talk to (that’s why I’m blogging)!!

I bet tomorrow when he wakes up and read my ‘beautiful’ good night wishes, he’s gonna say sorry again.

Home, Is Where The Mom Is.

Jam 6.30 petang.

Mak berdiri di depan pintu. Wajah Mak kelihatan resah. Mak tunggu adik bungsu balik dari sekolah agama.

Ayah baru balik dari sawah.

Ayah tanya Mak, “Along mana?’

Mak jawab, “Ada di dapur tolong siapkan makan.”

Ayah tanya Mak lagi,” Angah mana?”

Mak jawab, “Angah mandi, baru balik main bola.”

Ayah tanya Mak, “Ateh mana?”

Mak jawab, “Ateh, Kak Cik tengok tv dengan Alang di dalam?”

Ayah tanya lagi, “Adik dah balik?”

Mak jawab, “Belum. Patutnya dah balik. Basikal adik rosak kot. Kejap lagi kalau tak balik juga jom kita pergi cari Adik.”

Mak jawab soalan ayah penuh yakin. Tiap-tiap hari ayah tanya soalan yang sama. Mak jawab penuh perhatian. Mak ambil berat di mana anak-anak Mak dan bagaimana keadaan anak-anak Mak setiap masa dan setiap ketika.

Dua puluh tahun kemudian.

Jam 6.30 petang.

Ayah balik ke rumah. Baju ayah basah. Hujan turun sejak tengahari.

Ayah tanya Along, “Mana Mak?”

Along sedang membelek-belek baju barunya. Along jawab, “Tak tahu.”

Ayah tanya Angah, “Mana Mak?”

Angah menonton tv. Angah jawab, “Mana Angah tahu.”

Ayah tanya Ateh, “Mana Mak?”

Ayah menunggu lama jawapan dari Ateh yang asyik membaca majalah.

Ayah tanya Ateh lagi, “Mana Mak?”

Ateh menjawab, “Entah.”

Ateh terus membaca majalah tanpa menoleh kepada Ayah.

Ayah tanya Alang, “Mana Mak?”

Alang tidak jawab. Alang hanya mengoncang bahu tanda tidak tahu.

Ayah tidak mahu tanya Kak Cik dan Adik yang sedang melayan facebook. Ayah tahu yang Ayah tidak akan dapat jawapan yang ayah mahu.

Tidak ada siapa tahu di mana Mak. Tidak ada siapa merasa ingin tahu di mana Mak. Mata dan hati anak-anak Mak tidak pada Mak. Hanya mata dan hati Ayah yang mencari-cari di mana Mak.

Tidak ada anak-anak Mak yang tahu setiap kali ayah bertanya, “Mana Mak?”

Tiba-tiba adik bungsu bersuara, “Mak ni dah senja-senja pun merayap lagi. Tak reti nak balik!!”

Tersentap hati Ayah mendengar kata-kata Adik.

Dulu anak-anak Mak akan berlari mendakap Mak apabila balik dari sekolah. Mereka akan tanya “Mana Mak?” apabila Mak tidak menunggu mereka di depan pintu.

Mereka akan tanya, “Mana Mak.” Apabila dapat nomor 1 atau kaki melecet main bola di padang sekolah. Mak resah apabila anak-anak Mak lambat balik. Mak mahu tahu di mana semua anak-anaknya berada setiap waktu dan setiap ketika.

Sekarang anak-anak sudah besar. Sudah lama anak-anak Mak tidak bertanya ‘Mana Mak?”

Semakin anak-anak Mak besar, soalan “Mana Mak?” semakin hilang dari bibir anak-anak Mak .

Ayah berdiri di depan pintu menunggu Mak. Ayah resah menunggu Mak kerana sudah senja sebegini Mak masih belum balik. Ayah risau kerana sejak akhir-akhir ini Mak selalu mengadu sakit lutut.

Dari jauh kelihatan sosok Mak berjalan memakai payung yang sudah uzur. Besi-besi payung tercacak keluar dari kainnya. Hujan masih belum berhenti. Mak menjinjit dua bungkusan plastik. Sudah kebiasaan bagi Mak, Mak akan bawa sesuatu untuk anak-anak Mak apabila pulang dari berjalan.

Sampai di halaman rumah Mak berhenti di depan deretan kereta anak-anak Mak. Mak buangkan daun-daun yang mengotori kereta anak-anak Mak. Mak usap bahagian depan kereta Ateh perlahan-lahan. Mak rasakan seperti mengusap kepala Ateh waktu Ateh kecil. Mak senyum. Kedua bibir Mak diketap repat. Senyum tertahan, hanya Ayah yang faham. Sekarang Mak tidak dapat lagi merasa mengusap kepala anak-anak seperti masa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu. Mereka sudah besar. Mak takut anak Mak akan menepis tangan Mak kalau Mak lakukannya.

Lima buah kereta milik anak-anak Mak berdiri megah. Kereta Ateh paling gah. Mak tidak tahu pun apa kehebatan kereta Ateh itu. Mak cuma suka warnanya. Kereta warna merah bata, warna kesukaan Mak. Mak belum merasa naik kereta anak Mak yang ini.

Baju mak basah kena hujan. Ayah tutupkan payung mak. Mak bagi salam. Salam Mak tidak berjawab. Terketar-ketar lutut Mak melangkah anak tangga. Ayah pimpin Mak masuk ke rumah. Lutut Mak sakit lagi.

Mak letakkan bungkusan di atas meja. Sebungkus rebung dan sebungkus kueh koci pemberian Mak Uda untuk anak-anak Mak. Mak Uda tahu anak-anak Mak suka makan kueh koci dan Mak malu untuk meminta untuk bawa balik. Namun raut wajah Mak sudah cukup membuat Mak Uda faham.

Semasa menerima bungkusan kueh koci dari Mak Uda tadi, Mak sempat berkata kepada Mak Uda, “Wah berebutlah budak-budak tu nanti nampak kueh koci kamu ni.”

Sekurang-kurangnya itulah bayangan Mak. Mak bayangkan anak-anak Mak sedang gembira menikmati kueh koci sebagimana masa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu. Mereka berebut dan Mak jadi hakim pembuat keputusan muktamat. Sering kali Mak akan beri bahagian Mak supaya anak-anak Mak puas makan. Bayangan itu sering singgah di kepala Mak.

Ayah suruh Mak tukar baju yang basah itu. Mak akur.

Selepas Mak tukar baju, Ayah iring Mak ke dapur. Mak ajak anak-anak Mak makan kueh koci. Tidak seorang pun yang menoleh kepada Mak. Mata dan hati anak-anak Mak sudah bukan pada Mak lagi.

Mak hanya tunduk, akur dengan keadaan.

Ayah tahu Mak sudah tidak boleh mengharapkan anak-anak melompat-lompat gembira dan berlari mendakapnya seperti dulu.

Ayah temankan Mak makan. Mak menyuap nasi perlahan-lahan, masih mengharapkan anak-anak Mak akan makan bersama. Setiap hari Mak berharap begitu. Hanya Ayah yang duduk bersama Mak di meja makan setiap malam.

Ayah tahu Mak penat sebab berjalan jauh. Siang tadi Mak pergi ke rumah Mak Uda di kampung seberang untuk mencari rebung. Mak hendak masak rebung masak lemak cili api dengan ikan masin kesukaan anak-anak Mak.

Ayah tanya Mak kenapa Mak tidak telepon suruh anak-anak jemput. Mak jawab, “Saya dah suruh Uda telepon budak-budak ni tadi. Tapi Uda kata semua tak berangkat.”

Mak minta Mak Uda telepon anak-anak yang Mak tidak boleh berjalan balik sebab hujan. Lutut Mak akan sakit kalau sejuk. Ada sedikit harapan di hati Mak agar salah seorang anak Mak akan menjemput Mak dengan kereta. Mak teringin kalau Ateh yang datang menjemput Mak dengan kereta barunya. Tidak ada siapa yang datang jemput Mak.

Mak tahu anak-anak mak tidak sedar telepon berbunyi. Mak ingat kata-kata ayah, “Kita tak usah susahkan anak-anak. Selagi kita mampu kita buat saja sendiri apa-apa pun. Mereka ada kehidupan masing-masing. Tak payah sedih-sedih. Maafkan sajalah anak-anak kita. Tak apalah kalau tak merasa menaiki kereta mereka sekarang. Nanti kalau kita mati kita masih ada peluang merasa anak-anak mengangkat kita kat bahu mereka.”

Mak faham buah hati Mak semua sudah besar. Along dan Angah sudah beristeri. Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik masing-masing sudah punya buah hati sendiri yang sudah mengambil tempat Mak di hati anak-anak Mak.

Pada suapan terakhir, setitik air mata Mak jatuh ke pinggan.

Kueh koci masih belum diusik oleh anak-anak Mak.

Beberapa tahun kemudian.

Mak Uda tanya Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik, “Mana mak?”.

Hanya Adik yang jawab, “Mak dah tak ada.”

Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik tidak sempat melihat Mak waktu Mak sakit.

Kini Mak sudah berada di sisi Tuhannya bukan di sisi anak-anak Mak lagi.

Dalam esakan tangis, Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik menerpa kubur Mak. Hanya batu nisan yang berdiri terpacak. Batu nisan Mak tidak boleh bersuara. Batu nisan tidak ada tangan macam tangan Mak yang selalu memeluk erat anak-anaknya apabila anak-anak datang menerpa Mak semasa anak-anak Mak kecil dulu.

Mak pergi semasa Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik berada jauh di bandar. Kata Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik mereka tidak dengar handphone berbunyi semasa ayah telepon untuk beritahu mak sakit tenat.

Mak faham, mata dan telinga anak-anak Mak adalah untuk orang lain bukan untuk Mak.

Hati anak-anak Mak bukan milik Mak lagi. Hanya hati Mak yang tidak pernah diberikan kepada sesiapa, hanya untuk anak-anak Mak..

Mak tidak sempat merasa diangkat di atas bahu anak-anak Mak. Hanya bahu ayah yang sempat mengangkat jenazah Mak dalam hujan renyai.

Ayah sedih sebab tiada lagi suara Mak yang akan menjawab soalan Ayah,

“Mana Along?” , “Mana Angah?”, “Mana Ateh?”, “Mana Alang?”, “Mana Kak Cik?” atau “Mana Adik?”. Hanya Mak saja yang rajin menjawab soalan ayah itu dan jawapan Mak memang tidak pernah silap. Mak sentiasa yakin dengan jawapannya sebab mak ambil tahu di mana anak-anaknya berada pada setiap waktu dan setiap ketika. Anak-anak Mak sentiasa di hati Mak tetapi hati anak-anak Mak ada orang lain yang mengisinya.

Ayah sedih. Di tepi kubur Mak, Ayah bermonolog sendiri, “Mulai hari ini tidak perlu bertanya lagi kepada Along, Angah, Ateh, Alang, Kak Cik dan Adik , “Mana mak?” “

Kereta merah Ateh bergerak perlahan membawa Ayah pulang. Along, Angah, Alang dan Adik mengikut dari belakang. Hati ayah hancur teringat hajat Mak untuk naik kereta merah Ateh tidak kesampaian. Ayah terbayang kata-kata Mak malam itu, “Cantiknya kereta Ateh, kan Bang? Besok-besok Ateh bawalah kita jalan-jalan kat Kuala Lumpur tu. Saya akan buat kueh koci buat bekal.”

“Ayah, ayah….bangun.” Suara Ateh memanggil ayah. Ayah pengsan sewaktu turun dari kereta Ateh..

Terketar-ketar ayah bersuara, “Mana Mak?”

Ayah tidak mampu berhenti menanya soalan itu. Sudah 10 tahun Mak pergi namun soalan “Mana Mak?” masih sering keluar dari mulut Ayah sehingga ke akhir usia.

Sebuah cerita pendek buat tatapan anak-anak yang kadang-kadang lupa perasaan ibu. Kata orang hidup seorang ibu waktu muda dilambung resah, apabila tua dilambung rasa. Kata Rasulullah saw. ibu 3 kali lebih utama dari ayah. Bayangkanlah berapa kali ibu lebih utama dari isteri, pekerjaan dan anak-anak sebenarnya. Solat sunat pun Allah suruh berhenti apabila ibu memanggil. Berapa kerapkah kita membiarkan deringan telefon panggilan dari ibu tanpa berjawab?

Shared by one of my friends in FB. Thought of sharing it here in my blog.

*****************

It so happened that right after I finished reading this, mom and dad went back from Tarawih. Mom said,

“Ni ada kuih mak bawak dari masjid. Sape nak?”

I don’t wanna be like those ungrateful children in the story, but I couldn’t answer the question. I felt like my voice was breaking. I pulled myself together, not to cry in front of mom. I nodded my head and reached out my hand to take the kuih. While eating it, I turned my face away to hide the tears that finally, rolling down my cheeks (damn!).

I tried to recall everything that mom has done for us, for me. Whenever I was hungry, mom would make me at least a mug of hot Milo and some toasts. Even though she nagged coz I didn’t wanna take proper dinner or lunch, but she still made it for me.

One thing that I would never forget, every time I wanted to go to Muar, or even just to Shah Alam or Klang to stay at my sister’s or brother’s place, mom would stand outside and kept waving at me until I got to the main road, until I was out of sight. It’s been like that since I was little. She would watch and keep waving, first at the door, then moved to the window, every time I went to school with my dad.

Ah, if I tried to list down everything, there wouldn’t be enough space. It’s sure a lot and I never, in million years, could repay any of that.

It sickens me to see people easily ditch their responsibility to their parents by sending them to old folk home. Some just leave them alone without dropping hellos once in a while. Whenever I see old people wandering around the streets, selling kerepek until midnight and waiting for a van which is full of old people in it to fetch them, I usually look away. I would start to cry in a matter of seconds. I am very sensitive when it comes to parents. Not just my parents, but any parent. At the same time, I curse those ‘big children’ who let their parents surviving their life this way. Have they no heart at all? Mean and so ungrateful.

I’m not saying that I’m a good child. There are things, bad things that I did to my parents that I still regret until now, but I’ve made a promise to myself, that I will never, ever, abandon my parents and I hope, I will keep that promise till I die.

Mom and dad, I love you both so much.

I feel quite relieved that up until now, whenever I don’t see mom anywhere, I will still ask this question, “Mana mak??”

Just to make sure she’s okay.

To the writer of the story, whoever you are, thank you so much.

Celcom Sucks B**ls!

Bulls? Bells? Bills? Anything.

Sooooooooo maaaad at Celcom right now! What’s wrong with the line tonight? I cant send even a single text message! Jeez!

p/s – Changed the layout again. No more pink.