Am I Not A Good Teacher?

So, today I sent two of my students out of the class. To be honest, at that time I feel like I hated them soo much! I don’t mind if they were playing around and being goofy and funny during the school hours, but NOT during the extra classes, both night and Saturday classes. I spent my time going to school when I was supposed to rest at home, why couldn’t they appreciate it? It wasn’t just me. They themselves had to go to school during weekends, and nights so why couldn’t they make the most of the time learning? I’ve tried everything! I’ve treated them the nice way, I’ve given them prizes when they behaved, I’ve slow talked to them, I’ve caned them, I’ve slapped them, what more should I do with these kids?? Sometimes after class, I sat quietly in my car, chilling myself while listening to the radio out loud, tried to think, am I not a good teacher?? Why would I want to be a teacher? (Okay, for the second question there, I know the answer. It was because I wanted to go to overseas. That was only the easiest way. Hmm.. Asked, and answered.) So, back to the first question. Am I not a good teacher??? I always tried my best to be friends with my students even though that is not part of my job (it’s their job to make friends with the teachers, you know). Some of them, especially girls and few boys are actually close and friendly with me, and some of them… Erm.. Let’s just say, they are too ‘friendly’. They think that I would go easy on them especially when they don’t finish the homework, they forget to bring the books (and by forget I mean purposely?), and etc etc. Sometimes yeah, I didn’t turn into a lioness because I didn’t wanna spoil the mood, but sometimes I have to coz they kept getting on my nerves. Orang kate, ‘naik lemak’. That is what they do when they have been given too many chances.

During today’s class, I felt like all the chances were sold out. I just couldn’t be bothered with students like this anymore. So I said, ‘Azam and Anwar, pegi kemas barang skrg, turun, ambik basikal, pegi balik.’ I shouted ‘BALIK!’ at them when I saw they didn’t move at all. Last I checked, they were still there in my class. But few minutes after that, when I randomly looked at their seats while discussing Paper 1 with the rest of the class, I noticed that they were already gone.

Honestly, for a second, I didn’t know how I feel. They did what I asked them to do, but I didn’t feel happy. The students kept saying, ‘Teacher, diorg balik teacher.” It was like they were so surprised that these two students disappeared. Maybe because it had never happened before. Actually, I was surprised too. More to sad actually. Was that my fault? Did I do the right thing? Did they disappear mainly because I asked them to?? Or were they offended with what I said, disappointed, hurt and left the class because they think that I’m not a good teacher??

I reckon the latter.

6 thoughts on “Am I Not A Good Teacher?

  1. mr gonzales says:

    heyp..dun b so sad..u doing good..it was ur bad day..every has..b strong n iklaskan ati u…we have to deal with it..maybe for the rest of our live..u I’ll b fine..they love u…so do i…hihi…

  2. pnnz says:

    That doesn’t mean that you’re not a good teacher. I think we just need a little bit of time before we are good at “transmitting” our expectations to the kids at school. also, we need a bit more time tweaking our teacher persona, the one that out students would respond too.

    today is the first time i punished my year 2 class. i think it has produced good results and they are trying more and achieving more than usual. they exceeded my expectations but somehow i feel really bad about it. and i keep thinking about it for the whole day.

    we all just need a bit more time. don’t give up…and like gonzales said, ikhlaskan hati. it’s not a matter of them not wanting to learn (sometimes thay’re too immature to know this) but it’s a matter of us wanting to help them.

    all the best to you! don’t feel too bad =)

    • emywinchester says:

      i do wanna help them. but sometimes i think, if they dont wanna be helped, what can i do? i keep forgetting that they’re not adults. they dunno if they wanna be helped or not. they dont think that far. they’re just 12. but u know, when anger takes control, u just forget everything..

      thanks nurul..
      really appreciate it..

  3. Nisa says:

    when you ponder whether u r a good teacher or not already reflects that u r a good one🙂 because you worried whether your actions will have impact on your students,

    sometimes we’ve done our part to our very best and yet it seems that these students are still the way they are. its not our fault. after all, it takes two to tango kan?

    • emywinchester says:

      i’m still trying my best to win these students.. but the other day, ade kem motivasi for year 6. after that, i noticed that they’ve changed a lil bit, more serious, but i dunno if they’re gonna stay that way. hopefully, they will…🙂

      thanks kak for ur kind words..🙂

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