Don’t Calm That Storm

I tried to put up with you, I tried to ignore what everyone else said about you, I tried to be positive and convinced myself that I did NOT have any problems with you. I really did NOT. But then, you kept pushing your luck. Every time I said I was okay with you (usually I said this to people who don’t like you), there must be something that you did to make me angry. If it was only once or twice, maybe you didn’t realize it. But it happened many times. It was like, you wanted to test me, wanted to try my patience. They were all small things, but when you kept doing it, they became one big thing. How the hell am I supposed to ‘buat tatau’? Did you really want me to explode and be mad at you??? Did you want me to hate you?? Coz that was how I saw it.

And please… Stop using that reverse psychology. Stop lowering yourself just to get sympathy. And for God sake, stop saying that I was the reason that you have been ignored! If only you knew how to be sensitive to other people, if only you knew how to consider my feelings before your actions, if only you knew how to NOT take advantage, you would not be ignored. You would still get the attention that you want and as far as I’m concern, I might be okay with it.
Even with you.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate you, okay? It’s just that, certain things that you did/said, hurt my feelings.

I’ve ignored this thing for quite some time actually. In fact, I have nothing against that person anymore. But recently, something happened that triggered this anger uncomfortable feeling in my heart that forced me to write this.

I’ve Been Thinking…

…to shut it down. Or at least, deactivate it for a while.. Reason? No particular good or solid reasons (Got one stupid reason though.. Haha.. It wont be mentioned. Someone will laugh at me and I will never hear the end of it).

Well well well, I’m not running from anything. I just wanna take a break for a while…

But people, I haven’t decided yet. Am still thinking about it.

p/s -ain’t talkin bout my blog.

Well, That’s The School.. :-)

Hey there.. Yeah, I know. It’s been a while…. But what to do… I was busy with work. Esp now I’m still holding a title as new teacher, so just imagine the workload that has been given to me. But sekarang, almost hal2 penting sekolah dah setel. So, bleh rilek jap. I’m really looking forward to this weekend. Despite the busyness, I’m still grateful with my life here. Even though work sucks sometimes, but at least, this is my place, my hometown. So, whatever happens, I’m not alone. When I’m busy at night, mom will always help me ironing my clothes. Sometimes, she makes me late supper too. Toast and hot milo. Heaven! Owh, the greatest thing is, I dont have to worry about my laundry. 😀

I’m intending to write about my school today. School’s okay for me so far, apart from the workload. Even though sometimes I’m sooo stressed, but I’m learning new things. Well, I didnt know that my school is one of Top 4 in my district based on the UPSR result last year with overall percentage, 85.7%, if I’m not mistaken (mind you, my school is in kategori luar bandar, okay…?). So, it is quite a good school actually. There are 19 teachers including altogether, and 167 students including pre-school students. Yeah, it’s a small school. Less problem, but more work for teachers. Me myself, I hold more than 10 posts in the school. But the most important ones are, English Head Department and Pen.Setiausaha Kurikulum. I’m taking it very slowly right now and so far, no major problems.

And I think now my bonding with the senior teachers at the school is just getting better everyday. I’m more comfortable now with almost everyone at the school. On my first day, I didnt really like the school. The reason is, EVERYONE (by everyone, i mean really EVERYONE!) AT THE SCHOOL KNOWS WHO MY DAD IS. ‘Owh.. Ni anak Ustaz Malik ye..?‘, ‘Ni anak Tok Sidang ni…’. ‘Eh, kamu anak Ustaz Malik ye? Anak Ketua Kampung?’, ‘La.. Anak Ustaz Malik rupenyer.. Bekas pengetua tu kan…’ Bla bla bla.. I smiled. Sometimes I rolled my eyes. I still remembered when I first met the headmaster, he asked my name. And I didn’t mention my dad’s name, I just mentioned my name and where I live, then he spontaneously said, ‘Anak Ustaz Malik ye..??‘ He said I looked like my dad, a bit. Huh! I thought I was after my mom! But the point is, I didn’t like it! I felt like being anak ustaz, I have to behave all the time. But hellooo… U guys know what I am really like right?? I’m nothing like ustazah or whatsoever. But that was few weeks ago. Now, I dont mind anymore. I guess I’m just used to it.

One more. Also, on my first day at the school, the first person that I met was Cikgu Rosnah /Kak Ros. She’s my friend’s sister. The moment she saw me walking to the office, she was like, ‘Eh, Mimi!!’ And I was stunned for a sec! I forgot that now I’ll be working in my hometown, and everyone at my hometown calls me Mimi. So.. what?? No more Emy after this? But I guess, the name Emy will always be mine. Coz later at the school, I was informed that there is one English teacher in that school named, Puan Hasmimi. And they call her Kak Mimi/ Teacher Mimi. So, I can’t use the same name, can I? Stick with Teacher Emy, then. Hahaha.

Okay! Let’s talk about other things. If there is a problem at the school, maybe dealing with the students is my problem. But that has always been my problem even when I was practicum in PJ, so nothing new. But hey, I think my naughty students today behaved so well. They participated, very enthusiastic to finish the work that I gave them, and to my surprise, they actually knew a lot! Well, a little bit of encouragement, that’s all they need. Did I mention, yesterday I hit my students at their back using the spine of the textbook? Yeah, I did that! I was soo mad, coz they were talking when I was explaining about their English test. Plus, I wasn’t really well yesterday. I had a headache. So when they behaved like that, they just asked for it. One of them was mad at me I think. But I use my psychology power to console him, asked him to help me bring my stuff to the staffroom, and asked him to think why did I hit him. He knew it was his fault. Then, I asked, ‘Sakit tak teacher pukul tadi?’ . He looked like he wanted to say something, but then he looked away and trying to hold his laugh. I quickly said, ‘Kalo sakit, teacher mintak maaf tau. Tpi ingt, awak pon salah jugak. Sbb awak main2‘. Then, he smiled… Haha. Settled!

Overall, I kinda like the school. Even though sometimes I was soo pening with the GPK, but so are the other teachers. So, what do you do when you are in the same boat with your colleagues? You gossip about it. NOT about him, but about the things that make you pening. Then, laugh bout it. I’ve never known that the senior teachers at my school are funny.
😀

Well, speaking bout funny, there was this funny thing, yesterday. One of the senior teachers at the school, Kak Yah asked me something… erm.. funny. She said, ‘Ni ade orang nk tau.. Emy ni dah ade yang berpunye ke belom??’ I wanted to laugh. ‘Hm..?? Erm.. Dah ade dah kak..’. And she said, ‘Owh.. Dah ade ke..?? Takpela macam tu.. Akak ni nk menyampaikan hajat org je.. Ade orang bertanye..’. Huh??? Seriously, this is funny. ‘Sape yang tanyer?’. Kak Yah said, ‘Eh, takbleh la bgtau.. Emy dah bertunang ye?‘. ‘Haa..?? X la.. Belum lagi..’. ‘And to my surprise, she said, ‘Ha.. Kalo belum tunang, belum la berpunye maknenyer!‘. OMG! ‘Eh. Mang la blom bertunang, tpi dah x lame la ni.. Tgk la tahun depan ke…’. And then after that, berlaku la sessi interview.. They all asked me who my boyfriend is, blajar same2 ke… Bla bla bla… And I love that they know that now I’m with someone. So, no more ‘menyampaikan hajat’. Hahaha. Owh, I also love the fact that they know now, bakal menantu Ustaz Malik orang Johor. Hahahahhahahahhaha.

I dunno what else to write.. This is all soo merepek sebenarnyer.. Hahah. K la.. Babai!

Crush Crush Crush

Crush Crush Crush by Paramore

I got a lot to say to you
Yeah, I got a lot to say
I noticed your eyes are always glued to me
Keeping them here
And it makes no sense at all

They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies

Crush
Crush
Crush
Crush, crush
(Two, three, four!)

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one-two of us, who’s counting on
That never happens
I guess I’m dreaming again
Let’s be more than this

If you want to play it like a game
Well, come on, come on, let’s play
Cause I’d rather waste my life pretending
Than have to forget you for one whole minute

They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies
They taped over your mouth
Scribbled out the truth with their lies
You little spies

Crush
Crush
Crush
Crush, crush
(Two, three, four!)

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one-two of us, who’s counting on
That never happens
I guess I’m dreaming again
Let’s be more than this now

Rock and roll, baby
Don’t you know that we’re all alone now?
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll, hey
Don’t you know, baby, we’re all alone now?
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll, hey
Don’t you know, baby, we’re all alone now?
Give me something to sing about

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one-two of us, who’s counting on
That never happens
I guess I’m dreaming again
Let’s be more than
No, oh

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one-two of us, who’s counting on
That never happens
I guess I’m dreaming again
Let’s be more than
More than this
Ohoh ohoh ohoh
Oooh…

Hayley’s voice rocks! Love the song, and I grow my love towards the band.

🙂

Like An Owl…

whoa! isn’t this spooky???

School was hectic as usual. This meeting, that meeting, siapkan tu, siapkan ni… Bla bla bla.. I was physically and mentally exhausted. I went home, had lunch and then drove to Teluk Intan to settle few things there. Then, when I reached home, showered, spent almost one hour in the bathroom. When I got out, it was already Maghrib. I prayed, then lay down on the ‘sejadah’, the next thing I knew, it was already 10pm. I reached my phone, texted Mr.Gonzales.. I was still mamai, and I think I continued sleeping for another half an hour.

Feeling hungry, I got up and went to kitchen to eat my dinner that mom left on the meal table (special hot dog that she bought at the night market). I ate that while watching television. While texting Mr.Gonzales. He was ‘merajuk’. Cos we less communicated today. He was busy, so I was. When I was asleep just now, he was awake. Now, (after midnight) he is sleeping like normal people are and I am awake. WIDE awake. Like an owl…

I cant sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Coz I slept too much. It’s almost 4 now, and I’m bored. I used to text him when whenever I couldn’t sleep. But I dont wanna do it now. He needs to wake up early tomorrow coz he has a meeting at school. Hm, I wanted to merajuk actually at the fact that now he is sedap tido and I’m terkulat2 here ke’boring’an.. But atas alasan ape? Bukan die saje2 nk tido, die mang kena bgn awal sok. Eish! X best btol biler nk merajuk tpi xder alasan yg kukuh ni.. Haha! Normal la kan jdi attention-seeker kat bf sndiri especially bile dah lame x jumper… (pst! cepatla chinese new year!!!).

Ayah dh bangun.. He gave me weird look coz I’m still at the hall facing my laptop with my body wrapped in my blanket. He didn’t say anything tho. Almost subuh. I’m starting to feel a bit sleepy… But if tido now, subuh mesti liat nk bgn. Owh, xper. Suara ayah ade. Suara ayah bile kejut aku subuh mang scary.. Dulu kecik2 biler aku bgn subuh ngn perasaan terkejut (after kena jerkah sbb tanak bgn), mesti aku jalan gi bilik air hentak2 kaki. Pastu lame dok kat bilik air smpi dh nk kul 7 bru kua. Bukan aku tertido pon dalam bilik air tu, saje je tunjuk perasaan. Rebellious. Haha. Aku dulu2 mang suke wat perangai. Sampai skang gak kot. Bese la.. Attention-seeker ngn org2 tersayang kat keliling aku. Haha

K,la! Aku dh start merapu. This means, I’m really getting soo sleepy now. Nk tido dah. Dah lebih kul 4 pon. Hua9. Babababai!